Is Anyone Up There? It's Me Hades
by NarcissaMalfoy1119
Summary: Names Hades, Lord of the Dead, nice to meet ya. Anyways, it's time for me to set the record straight, no more of Zeus's version of things. I'm going to take some myths that portray me as the bad guy and tell you what really happened.
1. PROLOG: Dear Reader

**_Hey everyone! So, I actually wrote this story for an English project and am just working on getting it all typed up. Anyways, hope you enjoy!_**

**_~Cissa_**

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Dear Reader,

Names Hades, lord of the dead, nice to meet ya. Now, I've started this little diary thing in order to set the record straight. Now, you guys go to school right? I'm sure you're all pretty smart. You guys have all heard about the whole victor writes the history books, and they usually spin it in their favor in your history class, am I right? Well the exact same thing happened to me when Zeus became the big guy, and I got stuck in the rat hole that is the underworld.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hey, this guys nuts!" Now, before you write me off as a whack job, hear me out!

I'm not really a bad guy. It's just the whole "lord of the dead" thing that usually tends to turn people against me, and I think that's totally unfair! In fact, most of the things that these stupid myths have said I've done wrong aren't even my fault. Apparently being the master of the underworld automatically makes you some evil, power-hungry tyrant who's never nice to anyone.

I mean, you've all seen the Disney version of Hercules right? You guys all saw how old Walt made me look like some evil guys who wanted to take over the world right? Totally wrong!

Anyways, like I said before, I'm going to set the record straight! I'll be going through a bunch of myths that portray me as the bad guy and telling you what really happened. No more of Zeus's version of things. It's my turn and I'm going to set the record straight once and for all!

Yours respectfully,

Hades, Lord of the Dead


	2. My Lousy Childhood

**_Here's chapter two, all about Hades lousy, and I do mean lousy, childhood. Enjoy :) _**

**_~Cissa_**

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So, you think your childhood was bad? Well let me tell you that yours was a walk in the park compared to mine. I mean, did your father try and eat you? I don't think so!

Yeah, so apparently my father was told that he would be overthrown by one of his sons, just like he had overthrown his father I might add, so he swallowed every single one of my siblings and me when we were born. That's right; I spent al of my childhood in my father's stomach. I told you your life would look like a walk in the park next to mine, and now you know I wasn't kidding.

Seriously, all I remember of Olympus in the few short minutes before I was swallowed was some seriously bright light, people standing around me looking very solemn, and then utter darkness.

While I was in my father's stomach, I was taken care of by my sister Hestia. She was the only one older than I was, so coincidently she was also the only one in my father's stomach when I was first devoured. Granted, she was only a couple years old, but she had the wisdom and knowledge that we Gods naturally possess and she was able to take care of and raise me. I guess you could say she was my real mother, not Rhea. Even when we had both gotten older she still took care of and watched over me and we were really good friends.

Next to join our little family was Demeter. Boy, she was a brat! I tell you, it's ridiculous all the whining she did when she first joined us. Granted she was still a baby and had just gotten swallowed by her father, but come on! She really just needed to buck up. I bet I didn't cry and whine nearly as much as she did. Let's just say that we never really got along, especially after I married her daughter Persephone.

Posidon came next. Let's just say he wasn't the brightest bulb in the world and leave it at that.

Hera joined in next and completed out little happy family. I liked her for the most part, but all she could talk about was revenge! I mean, I never though about getting revenge on ol' Cronos (okay, maybe once or twice, but not every day like she did). I didn't envy Zeus one bit when he married her.

So, you're probably wondering what we did all day long, trapped in my father. Well, we mostly just talked. Sometimes our mother Rhea was able to convince my father to swallow a book or two and some light so we could read. It was really a boring life.

Also, as you could imagine, things got a little cramped down there. It really wasn't fin. It was fine when it was just me and Hestia, but once everyone else joined the fun I was really sick of it!

So, as you can see my childhood didn't necessarily give me cause to be all happy and nice, but that doesn't mean that I'm all horrible like all those myths say I am. I'm just saying that the occasional losing of my temper is completely understandable with a childhood like that.


	3. Fighting Against Daddy

**_Hello again everyone! I'm glad to see a lot of you are enjoying this fic. Hopefully it's made you smile. Anyways, enjoy this next chapter. Sorry it's so short! _**

**_~Cissa_**So, after that stirring tale you're probably wondering how exactly we got out of our fathers stomach and took over Olympus. It's a funny story. See, our mother had had just about enough of my dad eating us all the time, as any good mother would. Anywho, when Zeus was born, she hid the lucky guy and gave a rock wrapped in a blanket for my father to eat instead. I know this since the stupid thing hit my on the head as my father swallowed it. From that moment I hated my brother, even though I hadn't even met him yet.

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My father had never noticed that he hadn't eaten his son, so he didn't go looking for Zeus. The little baby brat lived the life of luxury with Gaia while he here stick in the pit of my father's stomach.

Now, this is where the story gets a little twisted. You see, Zeus would have it that he saved us all by tricking my father into drinking some potion that would release us and than banding us together to fight my father once and for all. Whatever anyone else may tell you, that is false. A myth. Not true!

What really happened what that Metis, a good friend of my mother's, hated seeing her so downtrodden and sad so she devised a plan. She tricked my father into drinking a potion that made him vomit us all out, starting with Hera and ending with Hestia. Hestia and me, being the oldest son and daughter in the family, immediately took charge and began to fight our father. Metis gave us advice and really helped us with our struggle.

Zeus didn't even join in the battle until we had basically won it all. He then came out of his hiding place and delivered the final blow that sent our father down to Tartarus thereby gaining all the glory for himself and leaving me and Hestia with nothing. Pretty stupid huh?


	4. How I Came to Live With Dead People

**_Hey all! Here's the next chapter. I'm so sorry it's taken so long to post! I'm hoping to post a lot more often this summer. Anyways, enjoy! _**

**_~Cissa_**

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So, you think the story's bad so far, just wait. It gets even better. We left off with me and me siblings finishing off Cronos and sending him into the black pit of Tartarus. It had come time to decide who was going to rule what. We brothers split the world into parts…the sea, heavens, and underworld. We were fighting over who was going to get what when Metis, Genius that she is, came up with a great idea.

You see, we would put three sticks, one bit one medium and one small, in a bad and each draw one. The person who got the big stick would rule the heavens, the person who got the medium stick the sea, and the smaller stick the underworld. We all agreed to the plan and since I'm such a nice guy I decided we would go youngest to oldest and let Zeusy draw first. That was a really stupid idea.

You see, Zeus started drawing his stick and than I saw him peak at what stick he was drawing. I was about the call the little cheater on his bluff when she shouted "Hey look, a unicorn!" Now, I already mentioned that Poseidon wasn't the brightest bulb in the world so, of course, he looks. I, however, am not that dumb and I see Zeus drop the stick he was holding, look in the bag, and draw the biggest stick.

No I was mad and I called him on his cheating. Poseidon sided with Zeus however, since he was too stupid to see anything. After that there was nothing I could do. Zeus now had control of the Heavens and Poseidon quickly drew for control of the sea. That left me with the underworld, the dark, damp, stupid, stinkin' underworld. Boy does my life stink or what!


	5. The Monster Typhoeus and Me!

**Hey all! Sorry for yet another long gap between chapters. Anyways, enjoy! **

**~Cissa **

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So, you all might have heard this story; you might not have. It's not a very big myth and, according to the myth, I really don't do anything in it. Again, this is completely and totally false, as you will soon see. The myth goes that this giant monster, Typhoeus, was on a rampage and destroying everything. Zeus, being the "great" guy that he is fights the beast and saves everybody. Now, while this was all going on I, apparently, was cowering in the underworld safe and sound.

Now, as I said before this is totally false. Remember during the Titan war how Zeus hid all safe and sound while we fought and then finished off Cronos and got all the glory? Well, same basis principle applied here. As we had done with Cronos, Hestia and I took charge of the battle against Typhoeus and we all fought. All of us, that is, except Zeus. He was the one cowering in the underworld, not me.

You probably know what happened next. We're about to finish the beast off, Zeus comes along, and badda bing badda boom he kills Typhoeus and gets all the glory. Pretty stupid huh?

What makes the whole situation worse is that he has to have everyone write me off as a coward. I really don't want any of the honor and glory. Zeus can have that. It just bugs me that on top of getting all the glory he has to make my name Mud. It really irks me. Just imagine what your little brother (or sister) does and multiply it by about 100 and you got Zeus. I'm telling you, the guy bugs me and sometimes I loose my temper because of that. That's all I'm saying.


	6. How I Did NOT Steal Persephone

**_Hello again. So, here's my favorite chapter of them all. Hope you enjoy it!_**

**_~Cissa _**

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So, here comes the myth that I am probably the best known for, and, coincidentally, the one that makes me look the most like a bad guy. Anyways, this is the story of my beloved Persephone and me.

It all started one day when I was just taking a nice little stroll to stretch my legs and get away from that blasted underworld. I was just walking along minding my own business when that stupid son of that stupid Aphrodite shot me in the stupid back with one of his stupid arrows. That's right, I'm talking about none other than Eros (Cupid, to you). Now, as you all know if you get shot with one of Eros' accursed arrows you fall in love with the first person you see. Now, it was just my luck that after getting shot by the arrow the first person my eyes laid on was Persephone, the daughter of Zeus and that brat Demeter.

I was immediately seized with a sudden longing to hold her in my arms and call her my wife. I knew I could not continue my existence unless I had her as mine. So, cursing Eros all the way there, I went up to Olympus and asked Zeus for his daughter's hand in marriage. Now, most myths skim over this crucial bit of detail and say that I simply snatched the girl away without asking for permission at all. This is about the biggest lie I've ever heard in my entire life, and I've lived a long time.

See, I did go and ask Zeus for permission to marry his daughter just as any decent guy should. Now, Zeus didn't exactly grant me permission to marry his daughter, BUT he didn't deny me permission either. So, being a loose interpretationalist and not being told I couldn't do something, I went ahead and did it.

Persephone was out picking flowers and one in particular caught her eye. When she leaned over to go and pick it I had the ground open up and I swooped out in my black carriage and took her down to the underworld in a blaze of glory. Any girl would have been happy to have been carried off like that, but not Persephone.

She refused to eat anything and kept pining away for her mother. If it wasn't for Eros' arrows I would have let her go home. Unfortunately, the magic of the arrows never wears off and I was so helplessly in love with her I couldn't have born it if she had gone.

Well, as you might have imagined, Demeter wasn't so keen about having her daughter taken from her, and she went on a rampage. She questioned everyone she knew about what happened to her daughter. Finally Helios told her that I had taken her, and Demeter was absolutely furious! She became even more bratty than usual and sent the whole world into a kind of barren, famine like state. It was actually vaguely amusing.

Unfortunately, Zeus could not overlook the suffering of the people and so he called me and Persephone to Mount Olympus. Being the smart person that I am, I had Persephone eat a couple pomegranate seeds so that she would be forced to come back to the underworld before we paid our little visit.

We got up to Olympus, and Zeus is there waiting with Demeter. Demeter immediately insists I give her daughter back while I, calmly, explain that I had Zeus's permission to marry Persephone and therefore did nothing wrong. Zeus, being caught in the middle of everything, decided to throw the decision entirely to Persephone, poor girl.

Persephone's eyes darted between me and he mother and there was a look of indecision on her face. She just couldn't decide. Finally, she told Zeus she didn't know and that he should decide for her. Zeus than decided that Persephone should spend half the year with me and half the year with Demeter.

I was a little disappointed, but still glad that Persephone hadn't completely decided against me. She told me later she actually found me dark and romantic which I thought was pretty good…you know…for me. Anyways, I got the girl and got the better of my bratty little sister which is always a big plus in my book.


	7. My Other Relationships

**Hey all! Soooo sorry I haven't posted in forever. It's been pretty crazy. Anyways, I had some time and cranked out these next three chapters for you guys. Enjoy!**

**~Cissa**

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So, now that we have straightened out that little dilemma, we come to the point in time where I have to discuss my…uh…other relationships. Now, first I would just like to point out that I only had affairs with two other women and how many did Zeus have? That's right, way too many to count! Why you still revere him I'll never know. Secondly, I would also like to point out that Persephone wasn't the most faithful wife in the world either. She had two of our children by Zeus for goodness sake! Granted, both of those times Zeus was disguised, once as a snake and once as me, but that's beside the point. The point is that everyone was unfaithful at one time or another, and, therefore, it's not fair yo hate me just because I was just as unfaithful as the rest of them. But wait, what am I saying, life isn't fair!

Anyways, my first love after Persephone was the beautiful nymph called Menthe. Needless to say I was just as crazy about her as I was about Persephone. Anyways, one day we…uh…had some fun and it was just my luck that Persephone found out about our little affair. She, of course, wasn't too happy, and she immediately turned my beloved Menthe into a mint plant. I was not a happy person that day.

My second love was Leuce. She too was a nymph. I wasn't as crazy about her as Persephone and Menthe, but I still cared for her. We too had some fun and Persephone, again, found out. This time she turned Leuce into a lovely poplar tree.

So, as you can see I have made a few mistakes, but not as many as some others have. Besides, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes from time to time, even perfect, handsome guys like me.


	8. How Peirithous Tried To Steal My Wife

We now come to one of my favorite stories I'm involved in. It portrays me as fairly evil, yes, but I also appear smart and cunning, two of my favorite adjectives.

Anyways, there were two friends named Peirithous and Theseus who swore to marry daughters of Zeus. Now, this in itself is stupid enough, but then you find out who they actually picked, and they obviously weren't the brightest bulbs in the world. Theseus was a little smarter then his companion and he chose to marry Helen. He kidnapped her when she was still young, determined to marry her when she grew older. She was rescued by her brothers while Theseus was off helping his friend with his conquest.

Peirithous chose to marry…get this…Persephone! That's right, that dumb little mortal thought that he could just waltz right in and steal my wife. He definitely didn't know who he was dealing with. I'm not lord of the dead for nothing you know.

Anyways, I digress. Where was I? Oh yes. Peirithous, the poor chap, decided to come and marry my wife. So, he comes down into the underworld and tells me what he is going to do. I, being a gracious host, offer them seat. How was I supposed to know that the seat I was offering them was the chair of forgetfulness? Anyways, they sit down and immediately they are bound with snakes and forget everything. They were my prisoners in all sense of the word. I controlled their minds and bodies. It was pretty sweet.

Anyways, time passed and they were still stuck with me in the underworld. Then Heracles came down to get my dog Cerberus for one of his labors, and he saw the two prisoners. He quickly saved Theseus, which I was happy to let him do. I had been feeling a little sorry that I kept the guy here when he didn't do anything and was probably going to let him go soon anyways. He then tried to save Peirithous, but that I could not allow. He wasn't innocent like his friend was, and he had messed with the wrong God. I think he might still be down in my dungeon now that I think about it…

Anyways, you can see how this puts me in a bad light. I want you to put yourselves in my place however and ask yourselves what you would have done if someone had tried to steal your wife. I mean, Odysseus killed the people who were going after his wife yet he is revered as a hero and all I do is keep them prisoner and I get the shaft into the villain category. How does this make sense? You tell me.


	9. Good Deeds I've Done

So, this is the chapter of all chapters, the big one, the one you have all been waiting for. This is the chapter where I explain all the good things I've done in my life, and yes, I have done nice things for people believe it or not.

First I want to talk about Orpheus. Now, he's actually my personal favorite mortal guy out there and I really enjoy telling this story. So, Orpheus was a really, and I mean really, good musician. Nobody, amongst the mortals could equal him for talent. One day he fell in love with this beautiful girl named Eurydice and they got married. However, after their wedding Eurydice was walking through this field when a snake bit her, and she died.

Orpheus was, understandably, heartbroken. He ran down to the underworld to try and convince me to give him his wife back. He played the most beautiful song I had ever heard, beseeching me to relinquish Eurydice back to him for a time. I couldn't resist and so I gave her back to him on cone condition…he could not look back at his beloved until they were both out of the underworld and in the upper. I did this to test and see how much he really loved and wanted her.

Anyways, they start walking up and he doesn't look back. The second he enters the upper world however he turns back to look while she's still in the underworld, and she floated down to me a few minutes later.

So, that's a sad story really, but it shows that I am capable of doing something nice., I gave him his wife back, who, for all intents and purposes, should have stayed with me till the end of time. I was nice, however, and let her go. It's not my fault he looked back at her is it? No.

The second story I would like to tell is the story of Heracles. Now, as I mentioned in the last chapter, Heracles came down to me to get my god Cerberus. I could have destroyed the little twerp right then and there, but I decided to be nice and give him my dog on one condition (notice how there always seems to be a condition); he was not to harm Cerberus with any weapon whatsoever. The guy actually did it and away he went, taking Theseus with him. True to my word, I did not go after him.

The third story I would like to mention is the story of Perseus. Now, Perseus was a strapping young lad who was off to go and like medusa the Gorgon, but needed a bit of help. This is where I come in. You see, I actually lent him my helmet of invisibility. I know, pretty generous of me huh? Anyways, is it hadn't been for me, the mortal would never have succeeded, and the world would never have been rid of the hideous monster. No need to thank me. It's all in a days work.

Finally, I would just like to point out that I myself never punished the dead who were wicked during life. I always left that up to my lovely assistants. I always felt rather sorry for the people who had to be eternally punished and couldn't bear to punish them myself. I tell you, how a sensitive guy like me ever got to be lord of the underworld I'll never know.

So, that my friends, is an account of just a few of the good deeds I've done in my life. You see, I'm not a bad guy really. Sneaky, conniving, and a little harsh maybe, but never cruel and vindictive.


	10. How Those Stupid Greeks Worshipped Me

**_Hello again :) Anyways, this chapter was really only included because I needed to spend a set amount of time on this project and needed someting more to research and write about, so here it is. It's somewhat interesting, but I wouldn't blame anyone who decided to skip it. _**

**_~Cissa _**So, I know this chapter isn't abut a certain myth that makes me look bad, rather this is another chapter that goes and tries to explain why, on those rare occasions, I might appear just a little cranky. Let me explain.

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So, you know how the Greeks would worship all of us Gods through sacrifices, prayers, and other various means right? Well, let's just say that in my mind I didn't get the worshiping I deserve and that, along with the whole being swallowed by my father thing, is why I might lose my temper a little too quickly every once and a while.

First of all, they wouldn't even say my name! They thought is "frightening" or some such nonsense like that. Instead they had various names they used instead such as:

Pluto: Of wealth

Zeus Chthonius: Zeus of the underworld

Theon Chthonius: God of the underworld

Polysemantor: Ruler of many

Polydegmon: Host of many

Polyxenus: Host of many

Necrodegmon: Receiver of the dead

Necron Sotor: Savior of the dead

They also thought it would make me happier to be Pluton, the God of wealth (because all the precious metals come from under the earth) and so usually I was referred to by that name instead of who I really am. They also called me the God of Earth's fertility. It really bugged me that they were basically taking away my identity for their own purposes. I mean, yes I don't like being God of the underworld, but it's who I am, and I'd appreciate it if they didn't try and gloss over the fact.

Also, lots of the Gods had hymns sung to them, but did I? No! Well, that's not entirely true. I did have a hymn sung to me as Pluton. It went like this: "To Plouton [Haides]. Plouton, magnanimous, whose realms profound are fixed beneath the firm and solid ground, in the Tartarean plains remote from sight, and wrapt for ever in the depths of night. Zeus Khthonios (of the Underworld), thy sacred ear incline, and pleased accept these sacred rites divine. Earth's keys to thee, illustrious king, belong, its secret gates unlocking, deep and strong. 'Tis thine abundant annual fruits to bear, for needy mortals are thy constant care. To thee, great king, all sovereign earth assigned, the seat of gods and basis of mankind. Thy throne is fixed in Haides' dismal plains, distant, unknown to the rest, where darkness reigns; where, destitute of breath, pale spectres dwell, in endless, dire, inexorable hell; and in dread Akheron, whose depths obscure, earth's stable roots eternally secure. O mighty Daimon, whose decision dread, the future fate determines of the dead, with Demeter's girl [Persephone] captive, through grassy plains, drawn in a four-yoked car with loosened reins, rapt over the deep, impelled by love, you flew till Eleusinia's city rose to view: there, in a wondrous cave obscure and deep, the sacred maid secure from search you keep, the cave of Atthis, whose wide gates display an entrance to the kingdoms void of day. Of works unseen and seen thy power alone to be the great dispending source is known. All-ruling, holy God, with glory bright, thee sacred poets and their hymns delight, propitious to thy mystics' works incline, rejoicing come, for holy rites are thine."

I admit, it's not bad, but it's not technically to me. I mean, I don't even know who this Plouton guy is and here they are singing hymns to him.

Along with having basically no hymns to me, they also had very few images of me. Now you can find a lot of pictures of me on the internet and whatnot, but they are modern drawings, and they weren't around when the Greeks were. There are a few pictures on some vases and whatnot, but not many.

As far as sacrifices go, they would sacrifice any black animal, usually sheep, to me. All the other Gods got to have white sacrifices; I got stuck with the oddball out black sheep. It's totally not fair! They would let the blood from the sacrifice drip into pits that were in the ground so that it could get to me way down there under the earth. Oh, and get this, the person actually doing the sacrifice would turn away his face.

Also, whenever they actually did pray to me, they would bang their heads on the ground so they would be heard by me, again, being way under the ground and all.

They did hold these "secular games" in my honor, but they were only every hundred years. I mean, come on people, can't ya show me some love here!?


	11. EPILOGUE: Good Bye For Now

**_Well, it's over. I hope you all enjoyed it while it lasted :) Thanks to all those who reviewed this story and for all the others who read and enjoyed it :) _**

**_~Cissa_**Dear Reader,

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Well, that's basically all I've got. I hope now you see how horribly I've been mistreated by Gods and mortals alike. I mean seriously, were any of those "bad" things I did really my fault? No, they weren't. Somehow though, I still get the blame for it. I guess it comes with being Lord of the Dead or something.

People just don't understand that I am not death itself, Thantos is. It's sad, stupid, and…wait. Calm yourself Hades. You've told your story and now you need to close.

Where was I? Oh yes, after all the retellings of my myths, I hope you see that I'm not really the bad guy.

Anyways, I hope I don't have to see any of you for quite some time yet. I always hate it when people go so young. It's so…heartbreaking and just plain sad.

So for now good bye and I'll see you sometime, hopefully a long time, into the future.

HADES LORD OF THE DEAD


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